social distortions / halloween parade

​I went to the first punk / hardcore / whatever people want to argue about on forums and call it or whatever show tonight that I had been to in at least a decade. Going made me realize some things about not only the show and the groups of people there, but also about myself.

I will start out by saying that I have been listening to punk music, like many others, since I was a teenager. One day in my algebra class in my freshman year of high school, I borrowed a friend’s iPod nano and she had Black Flag’s Nervous Breakdown EP uploaded. I had been into Nirvana and Kurt Cobain, and had read about how much he liked that band so I listened to the whole thing (it’s only four short songs long), and I was instantly changed. Or at least I thought I was. I was already reading Salinger and Kerouac by this point, rebelling against the tame and seemingly suffocating world that I lived in, made up of endless suburbs, standardized testing, and a Southern Baptist community that I had been in since birth.

When I was a little older I was finding out that there were punk and hardcore shows that were happening in the city nearby. All of the bands for the most part in the town I lived in (that I knew of) were indie rock or some sort of Animal Collective inspired thing, which were pretty cool looking back, but I just wasn’t interested in it after a while. I wanted to see bands like Black Flag, the Dead Kennedys, or even more, Bad Brains. I wanted the insanity and intensity that went along with it. I wanted the style too, but I didn’t know that to do besides shave my head like I’d seen people do in that documentary American Hardcore, so I did that. Looking back, I really just wanted to be a part of something that didn’t feel like it was going to tell me what to do or suffocate me with rules. Punk music seemed like the right direction.

Unfortunately, throughout most of my young life it was very hard for me to make friends or feel like I was part of a group. I was always paying attention to what other people around me were doing and trying to figure out what exactly I had to do to be accepted and be a constant member of that group (this plays out much later in a very interesting way). Was it the shoes they wore, the music they liked, the movies, the places they went? I just couldn’t figure that out and it always did a real number on my self-esteem as a young person.

Throughout all of this, I loved the music, seeing the bands, hearing the banter of what was punk and what wasn’t. Who is a sell out? Who is a true punk? What is actually punk? It started as a fashion statement, for God’s sake. What does the word even fucking mean?? Bullet belts? Spiky hair? Do it yourself-ism? Nihilism? Positive outlook? Again, I just couldn’t figure it out on a smaller or larger social level. I just wanted to be a part of something.

Recently I have been listening to a podcast about the DC area punk/hardcore/music label Dischord Records. Turns out that I like learning about the music and the people that experience the shows just as much or even more than I liked being a part of the crowd. Being a part of the crowd was so hard. Observing from the outside is fascinating. Why do people wear the clothes that they do? What influences the way they play their instruments? Why the fuck do people dress like it’s 1982 in England?? Why do they play the bass exactly like someone played bass in 1986 in New York City?

Of course some of this has to do with globalization. Images of culture are highly accessible in most cases. You can watch videos on YouTube 24/7 about any subculture that you like and just emulate it. Want to look like Robert Smith from the goth band The Cure in 1994? You got it. How about the lead singer of a crust punk band from 1984? You can also do that.

There was a point when I was going to shows when I was younger and someone got me into Lou Reed. I always liked listening to him because for one he was just kind of an asshole, but he also just stood completely apart from the genres that he played (The Velvet Underground & Nico freaked me out and wooed me way more and any punk record ever did). There is a Lou Reed song called Halloween Parade where he talks about all of the characters that he sees in New York City. I was instantly impressed by that and related immensely. Everything felt like Halloween to me. People dressing up to be these characters and sometimes doing it to play parts in some bigger scene (maybe a music scene). I never liked playing the part myself. I didn’t know who I was but I certainly knew who I wasn’t. I wasn’t a (insert rock and roll stereotype here) because I was blatantly incapable of doing so. I just couldn’t fake it. To be crystal clear, this is not to say that I think that people are “faking it”. I believe that most people are genuine in who they are and act the way they do around others to be a part of the group - it’s a tale as old as time and there is nothing wrong with doing what you’re doing as long as you aren’t hurting yourself or others in the process. 

Anyways, it’s really interesting to me how this has all played out through my life because as of now I am re-enrolled in school and looking to get a degree in sociology- the study of groups of people and how they interact with each other and the world. There are so many example of this, but my experiences with music and the trying to fit in with the groups of people that also enjoy it inadvertently led me to what I am so interested in now.

I’m hoping to get some time to upload some postcard scans soon. I’ve got a good selection of Tennessee themed postcards and some other interesting stuff from the stash box that I can’t wait to share. Until then…

https://open.spotify.com/track/6jOQu9wh50VMR3vDr6Nvph?si=ZmSZl7vgRUOVYdDtT8g58g&utm_source=copy-link